The athlete inside this fat girl was delicious

Today was a full rest day and although I know it's necessary, some days I have so much energy and just want to be out doing something. I probably should have gone to the Y and gotten on a bike or done some weights, but I am still intimidated by that place. No matter how much weight I have lost, I am still that fat girl who thinks everyone is looking at her. Even at my lowest weight a few years ago (114 lbs) I often felt like I was the biggest one in the room and was incredibly self conscious. I am at 129 lbs now and feel like a horse. It's weird, too, because when I was at almost 160-something and NOT active, I didn't feel quite this crappy about myself. Maybe it's because I have seen changes and am getting impatient for more - plus I know the lighter I am the faster I will be. Jon bikes and swims at the Y and tells me that I am ridiculous to worry about what anyone there thinks, but he's a guy - guys couldn't give a fig what anyone else thinks. I want to walk in there and OWN the place, go to any machine and bust out my reps...then I worry someone is going to scream "IMPOSTER" and my athletic disguise will be blown and everyone will laugh, knowing there is no way that I am an athlete. But when I'm running, even when I'm red-faced and gasping for air, I feel like an athlete - part of me (a tiny part, I promise) feels just a little bit superior to everyone else around me (unless there's another runner or walker and then I feel a weird kinship and want to just hug them). I'm a strange dichotomy, I know, but that's what you get when you roll with me. ;-)

Toe is getting darker and more painful - I found some videos on youtube about how to drain it and I'm thinking about it. I've got a 4 miler tomorrow and a 7 miler on Sunday so maybe after that. We'll see...