Fa la la la lame, la la la la

According to Smartcoach, McMillan calculator, and countless articles I've read, I am running too fast on a daily basis. This seems foolish to me. Based on my best 5K time, I should be running easy/recovery runs and LSRs in the 10:30+ range and their recommendations for tempo runs are about what I am doing easy runs at right now. I've worked hard to bring my pace down and although I know I can't expect to keep improving at the same rate, it seems like slowing down now would be demoralizing...however, I am not an expert and Smartcoach does indicate that if I follow the plan I should be running a half marathon in 10 weeks at a 9:10 pace. That would give me a fighting chance for a sub-2 hour half, especially on the course I am planning to run. Is there truth in advertising? Is Smartcoach truly "smart" or merely "above average"? Or perhaps not so bright but a snappy dresser? We shall find out over the next 10 weeks. Stay tuned for the fun...

Today was lame. After a decent 3 miler (9:40 pace - see, I really am trying to slow down) I scurried around trying to help Jon off to work. Geneva was not 100% so insisted on being held most of the morning (holding my beautiful girl was not lame) and watching - repeatedly - the holiday episode of "Dinosaur Train" (this was the lame part - it's a good show but not over and over and over). Then I had to work on a gratis website project that is confounding me, THEN a migraine kicked in. Plus I was reeeeeeally thinking that contrary to all intelligent thought I might be preggers since I am only 5 DAYS LATE but no dice. Perhaps it was my 3 races (all PRs) in 13 days that delayed things? Or the fact that Jon and his business partner decided not to take paychecks for a while until the slow spell is over and my stress level over money has exploded? (thanks, boys, for deciding this right before Christmas - please help me explain to my 3 year old how Santa was too poor to bring her any presents this year) At any rate, just as I was cataloging my symptoms, thinking about names and the cute maternity running shirt I would wear at my next race, the cramps began. I mean really - 5 FREAKING DAYS LATE?! Somebody up there likes to laugh at me. Oh, and it finally occurred to me tonight that I hadn't showered since Saturday morning...how does this happen? Yep, I've bought stock in gross and it's really taking off!!!

Sunday we took our "giving tree" present to church and were actually chastised for the size of the box. Apparently (though there were no instructions indicating this) we were supposed to only buy 2 items of clothing for "our" child - a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. I have taken names off charity trees countless times and NEVER have I been reprimanded for buying too much. When I took the name (Ashley, 5 years old, female) it simply said clothing size 6. Geneva and I had a ball shopping and we mixed and matched clothes until we came up with 12 different outfits (3 pairs of jeans/cords and 6 tops). We also included panties, pjs, and a princess doll and Geneva painted some pictures for Ashley which we wrapped with the presents. I was so excited with our gift and so proud that my daughter was so concerned about a little girl whom she had never met and I was totally deflated when I dropped the present off at church. Apparently the kids all open the gifts at the same time and they worry that if someone gets more the other kids will feel bad...hmmm, perhaps letting the kids all open the presents together is not smart?!?! Or maybe that fact should be included when a name is taken off the bloody tree?!?!? At any rate, I felt like crap and was kicking myself for spending the money and basically left with a nasty taste in my mouth. If it wasn't for Geneva's catechesis classes (which she loves) I would never go back.

A decent running week

Despite a bunch of unscheduled work and meetings, I managed to get in 18 miles this week and averaged 9:26/mile. I was hoping to run closer to 24 miles, but things just got in the way. My 6 miler on Saturday was a bit faster than I had hoped - I ran it at 9:35 and should have tried for around 10:30, but oh well. I am really enjoying getting outside in the early morning again after trying a few weeks in the gym's treadmill; I just cannot handle the treadmill! I also managed 2 spin sessions (hoped for 3) but only one strength session. This week I need to get back on schedule as I can feel the unbridled food orgy from Thanksgiving week catching up with me.
Found a pair of PI Peaks for $45 (normally $109) on Amazon and ordered them (free shipping!); by the next morning they were back up to $86 so I'm glad I snagged them at that price. They are the gorgeous pink ones and it is KILLING me not to wear them. I still have quite a bit of mileage left on my current pairs so I plan on using the new ones to train/race USAF in the fall.
Wish I had more to write, but it has been a totally blah week.

A short, long overdue update

In a nutshell, it has been an awful summer and fall, with a few bright spots.

The bad:

Tarot died on September 28. We were back and forth to the vet since June and basically didn't ever get a firm diagnosis. She had multiple blood tests, x-rays, etc. We would try a new treatment and she would get better, then take a turn for the worse, so we'd try something new, etc. etc. etc. Finally they started steroids and I really think that hastened her death. I have cried nearly every day since we lost her and I just wish I would have been more aggressive with the vet - I just believed they were doing all the right things. I miss her so much and would give anything to have her back. I miss the smell of her paws, the way she snored, her shiny coat, the way she snuggled, her amazing love for Geneva... Most of the fall has been spent in a dark depression.

The good:

I ran USAF half marathon in 2:19:54 - just barely squeaked in under my goal of 2:20.

I ran my first sub-30 5Ks - 29:45 and 26:42.

I ran my first 10K under my 1 hour goal - 57:32.

Hubby ran his first triathlon AND won his division (2nd place was 20 minutes behind him!!!)

My recovery runs are averaging about 9:15-9:30 and tempo runs are consistently in the mid 8 minute range.

I will try to get back here more often!

Still here, still running, trying to keep it all together

This won't be long; right now I am seriously overwhelmed with dread and sadness and I tend to be very insular when upset and go into hermit mode. My doggies aren't doing really well. My big guy's (shepherd/lab mix) epilepsy is getting worse and worse and we're trying to tweak his medication while keeping him comfortable. My little terrier girl has us really worried. She had what we thought was a simple gastro problem but after a couple of weeks of following the vet's diet and medication prescriptions, she is getting much worse and there is blood involved. She is being tested for cancer, so we are understandably terrified.

Since 2001 we have lost 5 cats - 2 had congenital heart conditions and 3 died of kidney failure/old age. We adore our animals and each loss had just wrecked me. I am terribly worried about my daughter as "Baby Tarot" is her special little doggie girl and therey are devoted to one another - if we lose her, Geneva will be devastated. I just can't imagine life without Tarot's sweet little face.

We also had some expensive car issues so now finances are not doing well and I am in that terrible place of having to balance vet treatments against our bank account. I am so depressed right now I can hardly stand it.

Thank goodness for the gym and for running - it is keeping me busy. Right now I am running 4x/week, spinning 2x/week, and doing strength/toning 5x/week. For an hour or two a day I am wearing out my body and emptying my mind and it is a wonderful respite from all the worrying.

Love to all.

Busy week and OWWWW!

Busy week here. The weather has been nice; sunny and a couple of really hot days so I have been taking Geneva to the waterpark. We have also been to the gym every day so far this week. Monday I took a really hard Pilates mat class which kicked my ass, but also stirred up my vertigo from all the work on the stability ball. I have terrible inner ear problems stemming from a piss poor poor surgery I had as a kid and now I get dizzy at the drop of a hat. Monday night I was so nauseous from the class I had to take a Dramamine! Tuesday I ran indoors and did weights. Wednesday I took a sculpting class which was AWESOME and painful then took a Zumba class (had more vertigo problems from the spinning around). Yesterday running and another Pilates class then a really great instructor fitted me for a spin bike so I think I will start that next week. Running has been sluggish; Tuesday's indoor run was slow (around 11:00) and yesterday's 3 miler felt like I was running though molassas (10:17). Part of the problem is I AM SO SORE! I am literally shuffling; everything hurts from my shoulders to my knees, especially my glutes. There is this one exercise during the sculpting class that was brutal - with head on the stability ball, come into a reverse bridge, knees bent, body in a straight line. Then start lifting weights, doing arm exercises. You have to keep your body up and straight which is where the glutes get worked - it was very painful during, but after...OMG, it is just ridiculous how much I hurt. I was supposed to do a 4 miler this morning but I moved it to tomorrow because I can barely navigate the stairs!

Yesterday the big toe on my left foot started hurting; it almost felt like I had a splinter. Today it is black and blue. I have no memory of an injury, so I'm going to keep an eye on it.

Hope everyone has a great weekend.

Slow is OK, right?

Well, I had my first "long" run since the Pig - 5 miles. I know that in my training I was running my LSR's too fast, so I purposely tried to slow down, but it felt sluggish. I wanted to keep it around 11:30-11:45 but I ended up doing the 5 miles in 11:01. I'm trying to not let pace mess with my ego; yes, a couple of months ago I was doing long runs much faster, but I don't necessarily think that I was training properly. Everything I read says to do LSR's slooooowly, hence the name. I am not an elite, nor even a front of the packer, so why should I care about pace? I need to stay healthy so I can keep doing this!

Friday night was great. We (Jon, Geneva and I) went to the gym together. While Geneva was having "Gym -n- Swim" I rode the stationary bike for 30 minutes, hit the weights, then joined Geneva in the pool. I'm becoming a little addicted to that place because Saturday morning when Jon fired up the chainsaw to attack the honeysuckle in the backyard I took my girl back to the gym so I could do more cardio. A locker room attendant told me that their hours are being cut so the facilities might not be so nice from here on out - great, I feel so good about the 12 month contract we signed. Oh well.

Yesterday I did my long run then took Geneva to church then we all went to the park and rode around the lake (about 6 miles). I was really proud of my stamina, especially with an extra 30+lbs on the back of my bike. We then went to the waterpark then a family birthday party. I thought Geneva would be exhausted and was happily looking forward to a little "adult" time but SHE WOULD NOT SLEEP. It was close to midnight before she finally drifted off, IN OUR BED. Perhaps tonight I need to add a little Jameson to her milk...oh, stop calling DCFS - I was only kidding. I was going to go to spinning this morning, but after last night I decided against it. We are going to the waterpark today then I'll probably take a Pilates class tonight. My goal is to get to the gym 5-6 days a week to make it pay for itself.

I have been having some rather upsetting episodes lately that have me concerned. They only seem to happen after I straighten up from bending over and they range from just a little fuzzy vision and buzzing in my ears to an all-out blackout. It happened yesterday before church right in front of Jon. I was putting something into my bag and when I stood up everything went black and the next thing I know I was lying on the floor. Jon, of course, was freaked out and wanted to call 911 but I reminded him that I have only been on blood pressure medicine for a couple of weeks and maybe it is dropping my BP too much. Later on I took a reading and it was 101/70 so it is conceivable that it had dropped even lower when I had the episode. I am going to talk to my doctor to see if I should have a lower dosage. Right now I am just being careful about bending over and trying to modify how I do things. The damn meds are also really dehydrating me. I am not that great about staying hydrated anyway, so I really need to be smart and drink, drink, drink - I felt the lack of fluid very much in my run yesterday.

Pilates...OMG

A ballet mommy called this morning; she's the one who put us on to the new gym. Well, she is a serious gym-goer and wanted to invite me to the Pilates class she was taking. Geneva and I weren't even dressed yet, but we hauled a$$ and made it just in time...I kind of wish we hadn't because it was HARD. I couldn't believe how much I was sweating! The instructor said I had good form, though, so I guess I'm not as out of shape as I thought. The other ballet mommy wants me to start going to classes with her, so if I do the schedule will be something like this:

Monday - spinning in the morning
Tuesday - embedded circuits (2 miles/weights/2 miles) in the evening
Wednesday - road running in the morning, sculpting and Zumba in the evening
Thursday - Pilates and cardio machines in the morning
Friday - road running in the morning, weights and cardio and swimming with family in the evening
Saturday - off
Sunday - long road run in the morning

Obviously as I get further into my training for Detroit the indoor track runs will get longer; I'm not sure how that will go since it is all I can do to run 3 miles (18 laps) without breaking down from boredom. I've also got to move things around a little, because I don't want to do 2 days of weight sessions in a row, but I'll have to confer with Jon so our schedules mesh. The only downside is the driving - it's about 40 minutes roundtrip and I know gas is going up, so I really want to limit the amount of trips as much as possible.

I hope this works! I would love to have sculpted arms, defined abs, trim thighs for once in my life! I've been thinner before, but I was never toned, and time is running out! My youngest brother and his wife are havng a vow renewal ceremony and party in about 6 weeks and I want a new dress and I want to show off awesome shoulders and arms...I want to show everyone that 43 can be hot!!! I am also hoping that new-found confidence will heat things up at home, but more on that later...

Great night!

After the doom and gloom of yesterday, I actually had a really positive day and a great workout tonight. We went to the gym as a family and Geneva went to the kids' gym. I ran an easy 3 miles (around a 10:00 pace; it was on the indoor track and I wasn't using the stopwatch - I miss my Garmin). Jon swam then ran (I actually was able to run a couple of laps with him, but I was a teeny bit too fast for him) and we then met up at the hydraulic weight machines. After that we got Geneva and hit the pool. It was so much fun and I am having that "wow I am so tired but I feel so good" moment. It was an awesome night!

I got me some blues

I'm down. I hate being this way, all self-pitying and such, but I am. I'm wallowing. This might be rambling and nonsensical - apologies in advance.

I think part of what is going on is post-marathon depression/letdown. The Pig was so amazing, so completely out of my realm of being, that it has taken on almost mythic, magical proportions...how can real life compete? Yeah, I know Detroit is coming up, but just like the Pig felt a few months ago, it seems so far off, so unreachable as to almost be unreal. My head really, really needs to get back in the game. I feel sluggish, old, and the antithesis of a runner right now.

We're all still recovering from whatever superbug swept through the household. Geneva developed a bad reaction to her antibiotics and is covered in spots so we were back at the doctor's office this weekend. We all have some sort of stomach thing happening, too, and my poor little one has developed explosive diarreah. Jon went to the movie yesterday evening right before Geneva got really sick and he missed the REAL show at home - she had a bad bout of diarreah so I was running a bath for her. I stepped out of the room to grab a towel and in the 10 seconds I was gone, she had another bout...all over the bathroom floor (she has been potty-trained for a while, so this was incredibly distressing to her, poor little girl). I got her in the tub and started to clean things up when the power went out. It was almost, but not quite, laughable. Jon started having stomach problems when he got home and I was up all night with the same thing. Part of this depression is just being weak and sick and worn out, I'm sure. I am also getting used to my new blood pressure medicine and my old med for insulin resistance, so my poor body is probably in shock right about now.

While Geneva was napping yesterday, I was cleaning out her drawers and closet. She is growing so fast that I try to weed things out a few times a year. Smelling the lavender drawer liner almost did me in - I remember her tiny little onesies smelling of that same lavender scent as she nursed. See, AF was 2 days late and I am NEVER late - if anything I am early, so I was really, really excited thinking maybe, just maybe...but no dice. I want another baby so badly! Yes, I know I am old, but we did get pregnant naturally last year, and I wasn't as healthy as I am now. Geneva wants to be a big sister and I want a tiny one...I miss nursing so awfully much. Having to wean Geneva overnight last year when I found out I was pregnant was just about the most depressing thing I have gone through as a mother; we were going to wean sooner or later, but at least we could have done it gradually. She still talks about "the boobies" and how much she misses them. It was such a special time for us and I have a lot of bitterness about what happened - if the baby had lived, then yes, it was the right decision to have made. But hey, let's really play a joke on her - let's get her pregnant, force her to stop nursing, then have the baby die and ha-ha! her milk is gone! Yep, the universe has a morbid sense of humor and I for one am not laughing. There is nothing worse than a weepy 2 year old asking for "mama milk" over and over - "please, Mama, can you make me some more" and having to tell her no. When I look at her baby pictures I just want to cry about how fast the last 3 years have gone and I am determined to enjoy every second with her because it's just going to go faster from here on out.

On a whim, I got a haircut. I was growing my hair out (again) but just not happy with it. It is not as full as it once was, and it just hung on me. I have had hair down to my waist and I have had pixie cuts and usually prefer the long hair. I really meant to keep growing it, but I needed some sort of change so badly. It's not a bad cut and it actually looks a lot more polished than what I had (plus it's super easy) but Geneva and I had the same cut and now we look so different! We used to wear braids and matching bandannas when we would go out - now I can barely make little baby ponytails in mine. Stupid, I know, to be worried about matching a 3 year old, but it feels like it has pulled me a little further away from her. Yes, I know I sound like a nut. I colored it, too, since the gray was coming in fast and furious; it's a trifle too dark now, but not horrible. I'll post a pic later on for a critique. Jon says it's sexy, so we shall see.

I guess I think that most everyone else on the planet has it all together and I am the one who is just failing at everything. My house is not pristine, my finances are not in order, my nutrition/fitness is all over the place, my marriage is withering from boredom. I am 43 and still standing on my head for my parents' respect and approval (a whole 'nuther story). I wonder if in 2 years when Geneva goes to school if I will even be relevant in the job market. Once upon a time I made a bunch of money, I was in demand and traveled all over the country for work, people respected me and were interested in what I had to say...wow, that seems like a looooong time ago. I remember when I was a tween how I used to look up the stars at night and the magnitude of the universe and my utter insignificance would hit me between the eyes. I feel that way now, only the universe has shrunk and I actually feel really insignificant to my own life. I am proud of my mothering, and nearly every day someone tells me what a good job I am doing with Geneva...that gives me untold joy and pride and a reason to keep getting up in the morning. Apart from that, though, I just feel unnecessary and unrelevant.

(That last paragraph really came off more melodramatic than I intended - please forgive)

OK, I'm going to get my sh*t together or at least I am going to go make some homemade guacamole for dinner.

More ear troubles in our house

Well, Geneva just wasn't getting better, so back to the doctor we went. After 5 days on antibiotics, her ear infection was WORSE and now both ears are involved. She is now on another antibiotic, so hopefully she will heal soon. Her sleep has really been disrupted, which means mine has been as well, so I've only gotten in another 3 miles (10:04 pace). I go in next week for my wellness assessment at the gym and I am anxious for my tour of the weight machines - I think that is really going to help in the weightloss department. I have decided to only do 1 embedded session a week (2 miles/weight training session/2 miles) until my body adapts. I still feel so weak after being sick for 2 weeks and I really can't afford an injury at this point.

I am starting my glucophage up again, sadly. I say "sadly" because although I love how it regulates my hormones and metabolism, the side effects are miserable. Think of the worse stomach flu you have ever had, then double it. Then triple that. The first time I started it, back in '98, I had to work at home for 2 weeks and I rarely left the bathroom. I think I lost 20 lbs. the first month. I am starting it slowly, though, and will probably not even be up to full dosage for a few weeks, so that should make things less painful.

I finally got my race pic and no surprise, I am horrified at how I look on film. I avoid pics as much as I can, but I broke down and bought this one because it was my first HM. I look so...thick. No matter my weight, I have a bull neck, big arms and shoulders...definitely nothing petite about me except my height. Almost as horrifying as how I look is the heelstriking that is happening...dammit, I worked so hard to change that, but I guess my exhaustion overrode my training. Please do not allow children or pregnant women to view this picture, or anyone with a weak heart.

FINALLY some running!

Well, I slept through the alarm so I wasn't able to get out on the road this morning before Jon left, so I decided to hit the new gym. Geneva LOVES the kids' section and barely looked back when I dropped her off. I had forgotten my iPod, sadly; 18 laps on the indoor track was mighty boring without it. I perservered, though, and got through a decent 3 miles at about a 10:15 pace. It wasn't too bad for not running for over 2 weeks, especially considering I am still getting over the fly/chest cold thingie. My left lung is still really painful and at times it feels like a knife all the way through to my back, but it is a lot better than it was. It felt so good to be running again; my body responded so well and I swear I could feel hear my inner athlete thanking me for getting moving again. I rewarded myself with a good soak in the hot tub then a hot shower - so nice to be using their towels and thus less laundry for me! This health club was a stunningly good idea - I just adore it.

I have been reading about embedded circuit training for runners and how valuable it is for marathon training so I've decided to incorporate it into my progam. Basically, I will run 2 miles on the track, do a set of several different weight training exercises (I love the hydraulic machines), then run another 2 miles. It sounds draining, but I imagine the aerobic/endurance benefits will be worth it. Unfortunately, unless I get a footpod for my Garmin, I won't be able to download my stats, and I just hate that idea - I felt totally naked without my Garmin today (although my old Timex 1440 was thrilled to be out for a ride again - she got dumped when Garmin entered my life). I guess I could quit being lazy and just track my stats manually for a couple of runs a week.

Yesterday in lieu of exercise I defrosted the refrigerator and cleaned the pantry. It is amazing the amount of food that goes to waste in this house and I'm sick of it. We are going to seriously revamp our nutritional choices - this cannot wait any longer for both fiscal as well as health reasons. On the plus side, I heard back from my doctor and I have dropped my cholesterol 84 points since I started running and since I lost 40 lbs! It is still ridiculously high (304 - apparently mostly genetic) but not AS high. I'll take it!

So tired

A 3am trip to the ER this morning - Geneva woke up with an earache. She still managed to ROCK at her ballet recital today, though - she is too talented for words!
Jon has gaming so I am on my own this evening (and into the wee hours of tomorrow morning) which will be a feat since I now have an earache, too, not to mention the onset of some sort of stomach bug. I feel like the walking dead, minus the brains stuck in my teeth, and if I don't get some sleep soon I am afraid I am going to keel over. I really need to get out on the road tomorrow, though - only 3 miles so it should be doable, no matter how yucky I feel.
Hope everyone is having a good weekend.

Whoo-hoo! Being sick has it's advantages!!!

Since I am still unable to smell or taste, I have not been cramming myself with fat-laden crap eating as much as usual, and I am down 5 lbs! I am finally back into the low-120's, which I haven't seen since the summer of 2001, before I started fertility drugs!!! I still have at least 10 or even 15 lbs. to go, but I am thinking that I might actually see my goal weight - HOPEFULLY before Detroit. Now I just need to firm up along the way - I can't wait to get signed up at the new health club and get started. Since I started running and lost the first big chunk of weight (now down 45 lbs!) my metabolism has revved up and I don't really worry about gaining anything, it's just the darn plateau that I was on that was pissing me off. Even when I tapered before the Pig I was eating the same or more without much exercise and I didn't gain an ounce. Once I get down to where I want to be, I hope the same holds true and I don't have to be eternally vigilant - I'm so sick of that. When I hit my lowest weight, years ago, I was weighing myself multiple times a day, consumed and paranoid. I don't want to go back to that.

There is a member of the North Face endurance running team, Kami Semick, who I think is da' bomb. I saw her pic in a print ad for North Face and thought "what a cool-looking chick". She might not be the "standard" for beauty, but I think it's awesome that somebody our age (we were both born in '66) isn't that concerned with her crows feet et al. Girls half her age would be lucky to be in her shape! She is who I picture when I imagine what I want to look like someday - I doubt I will ever really get there with my child-bearing hips (which is really a misnomer, because even with my wide pelvis the doctor STILL had to forcibly remove my itty bitty 5 lbs. daughter) but it gives me something to strive for.

Geneva is better every day and I think she will be OK for her recital. She has been using my facial steamer with some eucalyptus oil a couple of times a day and man, does that clear out the sinuses. Jon's ear still hasn't popped and he can't hear out of it, but at least he is now on antibiotics so hopefully he will have some relief soon. I actually felt human this morning, so I know I am just on the verge of being healthy again. Sunday will be the first run in a record 2 weeks and I am anxious to see how it goes - I have not gone that long without running since I started up again in October. Wow, that's hard to believe...I guess I really have left part of my couch-potatoedness behind.

Since I can't actually train, I might at least plan my training...and other semi-associated brain toots

So we're still sick here. Yeah, yeah..second verse, same as the first. Jon went back to the doctor for an ear infection, Geneva is coughing but better and I absolutely do not want to take her into the germ-laden waiting room at the doctor's office, and I am rocking a lovely sinus infection that seems perfectly happy to call my head home for the forseeable future. I doubt I will be back out on the road until Sunday, so I decided to play around with my training schedule, and this is what I came up with:

I was doing 12 milers 3 weeks before the Pig, so I know this is doable, especially since I give myself a ramp-up period to rebuild my base. I'm itching to get out there!

I figured out what was going on with my stomach/back pain during the pain - it WAS the ibuprofen. I took a bunch before the start because I was feeling the beginnings of a headache. Apprently, though, Vitamin I is not a good idea before a long run/endurance exercise as it can cause not only dehydration but can also reduce blood flow to the kidneys. The pain I had was unusual - the burning started in my stomach but about mile 9 it was all the way around my torso. I also felt incredibly nauseous which I had not experienced on any other runs. This is so good to know, because I have over-used ibuprofen for years without thinking what I might be doing to my body. I will be much more concious in the future, especially since I am now on HPB medicine which has its own risks associated with endurance sports.

I am a Bengals fan and wear a Bengals ball cap for most of my training runs and even sported a pink Bengals cap during the Pig. I decided, though, that for every marathon I run in another city I would wear a ball cap with that city's football team - it combines my love of football with respect for the city I'm running in. (I will not be running in Pittsburgh anytime soon - no offense to any residents, but I can't bring myself to wear a Steelers cap) Anyway, in the mail today I got the cutest pink Lions cap - it's adorable! It's a truckers cap with pink in front/pink brim with a white logo then a white mesh back with the blue/black Lions logo. I splurged ($5) and bought a Bengals one, too - I thought the mesh would be cooler for the summer (plus I just love Bengals stuff). I wish I was such a good runner that all I thought about was the running and what I wear was just an afterthought, but alas, I am not. I love "stuff", especially if I get a deal, and I love to match. Pathetic, really, but when I got the hats in the mail and saw the blue Lions logo on the back, I immediately thought how perfectly it matches my new running shoes. I'm hardcore like that.

OK, I'm off to attempt to dislodge 10 lbs of gunk in my sinuses then beg Geneva to take a nap.

PS - I need a catchy sign-off phrase...suggestions?

Still no running

Sick as it may sound, I was really looking forward to my tempo run this morning, but no go. I woke up around 4:30 with a fever and by 6:00 when Geneva woke up, I was feeling pretty miserable. She is still not doing well - poor little girl is clingy and won't let me out of her sight for a moment. She even laid on the couch with her head on my shoulder and watched Masterpiece Mystery! with me all morning. Now my priority is getting her healthy for her recital on Saturday, and if that means that running takes a backseat for a few day, then so be it. I guess my 23 week marathon training schedule will have to be modified to a 22 week schedule.

I have been fretting over the last few days about my finish time at the Pig. I train so much faster than that and I am getting really peeved at myself for not being tougher and pushing through the stomach pain I was having. I could have easily shaved off 15 minutes if I had just worked harder. When I originally registered for the Pig I just wanted to finish, but as my training progressed I began to have actual goals and I really feel I let myself down. I'm sure that part of this is being sick and feeling so crappy, but the original elation dissipated pretty quickly and I've been left with the yucky taste of failure. I suppose I just need to use this to do better in Detroit - but I need to actually be able to RUN to train!!! This damn virus had better hightail it out of my home soon or...or...hell, I guess there's not much I can do - it'll leave when it's good and ready.

Still sick, dammit.

I am really tired of this flu thing. Geneva was up most of the night and when she finally slept I couldn't because my head was throbbing from the coughing and the sinus infection. The only upside to the sinus infection is the interesting-looking stuff that comes out when I blow (c'mon, you know you look at yours', too). I haven't been able to eat much, so that is another plus - hopefully the scale will show me something good, although I doubt I will be able to lose this last 15lbs. before family pictures on Friday. Who knows, though - if I can blow out all this crap in my sinuses, I might just pull it off.

I really want to run. I am actually looking forward to the training for Detroit, not just the marathon itself. Right now, though, running feels like a million miles away because of how I feel. Last night as I lay on the floor next to the couch where Geneva was sleeping (I made Jon go to bed early by himself so he could get over this) I was just hoping that if my head wasn't going to get any better that it would just freakin' explode and get it over with. I know that's melodramatic, but I am just miserable and I am really pissed about it.

I need to take a picture of my Flying Pig bling - it's an awesome medal. Geneva's was really impressive, too - it was an actual metal medal and quite large for a litte one. They put on a great event.

We are (obviously) staying home from ballet today. Waiting for Geneva at ballet is seriously my only non-family adult interaction for the week and I miss it. There are some other moms there who are really awesome and I enjoy our conversations. After the recital this weekend, ballet is over for 3 months and I am devastated. I tried to break into the some of the mommy cliques at the waterpark last summer but apparently I'm not cool enough to hang with them (what was it about me they find so offensive? The tattoos? The bandannas? The matronly skirted swimsuit? The hint of disdain in my eyes while viewing the plethora of designer diaper bags and Chanel sunglasses?).

OK, I'm off to the couch to moan in self-pity.

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!

Hope all the moms and those who function as moms are having a wonderful day!

We are all in the midst of the flu here - fevers, coughing, sore throats, etc. Jon is almost over it, I am a couple of days behind him, and Geneva is just starting. I was supposed to do an easy 3 miler today, but my breathing is all crackly and wheezy and I still have a fever, so I decided to stay in. Geneva has a ballet recital on Saturday so she MUST get better so I am just babying her - fitting for Mothers' Day! I just want to feel better because this is getting so incredibly old and I need to get out of this house!

Jon and Geneva surprised me with a new pair of running shoes! They are the same as my current ones (PI Streaks) but in a gorgeous electric blue...I love them. Jon also gave me a beautiful ceramic heart that says "Always Believe" - he bought it after I registered for Detroit and got it because he wants me to believe in myself. I have a very, very fine husband, don't I?!?!

I am so excited to start the new health club. My cross training is seriously lacking - apart from strapping Geneva onto the back of my bike and going for little rides, I don't do a lot. I want to start strength training and concentrate on my arms, back and abs - the cool thing is we get a fitness assessment at the beginning and then every 3 months. I want to reduce my bodyfat significantly - I have been "thinner" before but I was never stripped of fat, the way I want to be. I sometimes get sad that I didn't get my act together when I was much younger so I could have experienced what it was like to be young and hot, but then I remember that if anything changed in my past, Geneva would not exist. (maybe it sounds silly, but it does help me from spending lots of time regretting my past)

The piece that is missing from our healthy puzzle is nutrition and that is going to change, too. We have our days that we do really well, then we get busy and fall into the convenience food trap. Jon is not seeing the results from his training that he would like, and I think it is because of our eating. Jon isn't a big breakfast eater, but I am going to force him to eat bigger breakfasts and small dinners and lots of protein rich snacks during the day. We both have so many goals and time is running out - there is no more time left for procrastination. I also am going to force him to register for an event because I think it will keep him honest and focused.

Detroit, here I come!

I did it! I registered for Detroit - the FULL! Omigosh - can I really pull this off in 23 weeks?

Flying Pig half - a short RR

bib number: 10515
overall place: 5222 out of 8599
division place: 325 out of 677
gender place: 2763 out of 5468
time: 2:31:01
pace: 11:32
6.8 time: 1:16:45

Well, I am so happy that I have my first half under my belt - it's so nice to know what to expect from the next and it helps with future nerves!

On Saturday, Geneva ran the Flying Piglet and had a great time! She was so cute with her medal and I am so proud of how excited she gets about her races. It was supposed to rain on Saturday but turned out to be gorgeous and we all really enjoyed the sunshine. I was a bundle of nerves, though, and didn't enjoy the expo as much as I would have liked - next time, I'll calm down and have more fun!

3 AM on Sunday came way too soon, especially since I didn't sleep until after 11 PM. We were up, dressed and out the door by 4:30 - even Geneva was awake and ready to go. She had her "Run Mommy Run" flying piggie shirt and I had my "Geneva's Mommy" tank and we both had our pink ballcaps (Reds for her, Bengals for me). Jon toughed the chilly, rainy weather without a jacket which I actually worried about for half the race! We got to Paul Brown stadium around 5 AM and found our way inside, out of the rain. It was so much fun watching everyone - the veterans were laughing and joking, the elites were very serious, and the newbies (like me!) were quietly terrified. I could feel a headache coming on and took ibuprofen which ended up being the worst idea ever - more on that later.

It was still drizzling a little at start time (6:30) but it wasn't too chilly at that point in the crush of bodies. It took about 6 minutes to reach the start line once the gun went off and I was finally running. I can't really detail the race too much - it was kind of a blur. I was doing fairly well until mile 6 when 2 things happened - the hills, and the ibuprofen started tearing up my stomach. I was in real pain - it felt like my belly was being ripped open by shards of glass. I had been feeling really good and strong until that point - saw Jon and Geneva around mile 5 and stopped for a second for hugs and kisses and it was soon after that when I started failing. The hills were really not that bad - long, but not steep or hard - but my stomach was hurting so bad it just zapped all my energy. The course along with the spectators and volunteers were FANTASTIC and their enthusiasm helped me over the next few miles. Once I hit mile 10 I was sure it would be easy since it was all downhill, but I was still in a lot of pain and every step was pretty miserable. I also experienced some chest pain about then, but in retrospect I think it was stomach pain that was radiating. It freaked me out, though, and I slowed down even more, thankful I had taken my baby aspirin that morening. At mile 12 I high-fived a beagle which made me smile and got me through until mile 13 - the last .1 mile seemed to take forever, though! My time was 2:31:01 which totally bummed me out - I was really hoping for something around 2:15. I kept thinking that if I had only pressed a little harder... Oh well, it was still one of the most amazing experiences of my life and it has only made me more determined to do better! My stomach finally calmed down Sunday night and I felt "hung over" for another day, but the muscle soreness only lasted a day.

I'm taking the rest of this week off, then starting the full training next week because I am still planning on Detroit in October. We are dropping our YMCA membership and changing to a super nice health club that we will actually be paying LESS for, thanks to a chamber of commerce membership. It is fantastic with tons of great cardio and weight equipment as well as a sauna, whirlpool, GORGEOUS locker rooms...I can't wait to start cross training properly this time. My favorite parts are the childcare (really nice facilities) and the family locker rooms (with private, lockable changing rooms that include a toilet and shower - really nice to have with a 3 year old!). I am so incredibly excited about this place - I want to take classes, do weights, etc. and it will be like a spa experience every time. I think the cross training will absolutely help with not only the last bit of weight I want to lose, but with my endurance. Detroit is going to ROCK because I will be ready - and next year's Flying Pig is going to be great, too!

It's still kind of hard to believe that I did this - a year ago at this time I was 40 lbs. heavier, almost totally sedentary, depressed, had zero self-confidence...I'm not saying I am now perfect, but life has changed so much for the better. I have a long way to go, but I now feel that I am on the right path and I can now actually envision myself getting there. And I'm enjoying the journey!

Flying Pig was awesome! And some bad news.

Don't have time for a long post right now; I'll update later. First of all, the Pig was great! I had some pretty bad stomach issues and it really showed in my time (2:31:01) but it was still an amazing experience. I'm a half-marathoner!

Had a doctor's appointment today and am devastated - I have to start meds for high blood pressure. I am so unhappy about this. I never had high blood pressure until my pregnancy when I had to be hospitalized for preeclampsia. Apparently it just hasn't come down. I knew I had been feeling "off", but didn't know what it was. I am nervous about the meds because they can cause dehydration and electolyte imbalance - NOT something a runner wants to deal with. I'm a little depressed right now; I thought the running would make me healthier!

Average pace is now sub-10

When did this happen? My last 2 runs have averaged a sub-10 minute pace. Tonight's 4 miler was 9:36 and my 6 miler over the weekend was 9:50. And even my last 12 miler was 10:16 which I was happy about for that distance. I have no idea when I started getting faster - those numbers are usually reserved for my tempo runs. Finally I am seeing that persistence pays off.

Still scared of the Pig's hills, though and only 18 days left.